


i met a superhero (i lost her)

by flamebirds



Series: whatever you can still betray [3]
Category: Batwoman (Comic), Teen Titans (Comics), Titans (Comics), Titans (TV 2018)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Grief, Major Character Death Technically Didn't Happen, They don't know that though, angst no comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:40:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26754439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flamebirds/pseuds/flamebirds
Summary: Lilith knows the exact moment it happens. She sees it in the crease of his eyebrows, that choked little sob he refuses to let out; the telltale signs that Dick has received news he expected but never wanted.Through what she can only assume are cold and calloused words, Lilith is sure that he's just been told that one of his oldest friends is dead.
Relationships: (Past) Garfield Logan/Tara Markov, Hank Hall/Dawn Granger
Series: whatever you can still betray [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1876879
Comments: 8
Kudos: 2





	i met a superhero (i lost her)

Garfield Logan wakes up with the sense that something has gone terribly wrong. The feeling envelopes him, sinking its claws into his heart and making a home there. It sits there, waiting, seething, and there's nothing he can do to shake it off. He can't put his finger on what, exactly, it is, but he knows it's bad, knows that something has happened, that ━━

Matt throws a pillow at his face, and the feeling is gone as soon as it arrives, replaced by the innate annoyance that only his cousin can create.

"Seriously?" Gar grumbles, resisting the urge to bury himself under the covers and go back to sleep.

"Hawk and Dove are already here", he replies easily, ignoring his sour mood. "The others are gonna arrive soon."

Gar curses under his breath and, not for the first time, he wishes that Bette still lived in LA. When it came to reunions like this, she was the one that kept on reminding him, made sure he was actually awake before people arrived. He feels like more of a mess since she moved to Gotham, trying to readjust to a life without her in it.

He's spent more part away from her than with her, but it still feels weird when she's gone. She was the friend he didn't know he needed, the one he's not quite sure he deserves. For years, he'd dismissed her, just like everyone else he knows, and she still came in to save his ass, still decided he'd make the perfect roommate.

Well, he at least made a better one than Matt, the great fish murderer of Tinsel Town.

It's fine, though, because she's promised to come to LA today. A fun, Titans reunion that acts as the perfect excuse to get the friends he rarely sees all in one place again. Even Lilith agreed to come... whether or not she actually _does_ show up is a debate for another day, but Gar's happy she's considering it.

He rises from the bed with a groan, stumbling into the kitchen where Hank Hall and Dawn Granger await. They look brighter, than the last time he saw either of them, which isn't hard. Hank had gone through one of his villain phases (Gar's pretty sure it was magic-induced. Or was it time-travel? He can never keep track) and died, come back to life, and Gar... Gar hadn't seen him since.

Gar was busy, the night Hank came back. They all were and sometimes, sometimes he can still see Tara's rotting face when he closes his eyes. Sometimes, that's all that's left in the world, and then Dawn pulls him into a warm hug, smelling like elderflower and vanilla, and he starts to relax a little. She's soothing, in the way only an agent of peace can be, blessed by beings he can't even begin to understand.

He doesn't want to, either. The magic side of things was always more Raven's forte, more likely to fall on Donna's shoulders than his.

"I missed you", she says, squeezing him tightly. "It's been a while."

"Yeah", he agrees, "ages."

"You staying in trouble?" Hank asks, leaning against the counter with a cup of coffee in hand. 

"Doing my best to cause as much as I can."

He grins, for what feels like the first time in forever. Gar seriously can't remember the last time he saw Hank so relaxed, so happy, so _alive._ "Good."

Dawn fiddles with the hem of her sweater for a moment, before letting out a deep sigh. "So, who's coming to this reunion?"

"Everybody got invited", Gar tells her. "Chris, Freddy and Hero are definitely coming. Bushido, if he can catch a flight. Tara said she'll try to make it and Mal and Karen are gonna do their best. Even Lilith said she'd be here."

She nods, biting down on her lip. "And Bette?"

"Who do you think organized this whole thing?" Matt asks, shoving a mug in Gar's face. "Told me I was banned from organizing any more parties after the last supervillain attack."

"Can't say I'm surprised", Hank replies, his smile a little more forced now. "So Birdie's gonna be here?"

"Like Bette's gonna miss a chance to be in the sun", he says. "Half of what she tells us about Gotham is how bad the weather is."

"She always hated the rain", Dawn says fondly.

"I've missed her", Gar says, taking a sip from the mug and wincing at the taste. He swears that Matt has never heard of cream before in his life. "And I'm... kinda worried about her, to be honest."

Hank lets out a loud sigh of relief, some of that palpable tension starting to disappear. "Glad we're not the only ones."

"I mean, _Plebe?"_ Dawn says. "Seriously, that grey uniform has me worried."

"Bette did say grey wasn't her colour", Matt muses. "Maybe she changed to match the city?"

"I hope that's all it is", she says, "because if I need to fight any Bats, I will."

There's a steely look in Dawn's eye, that assures him she's not messing around, and he can practically see it in his mind's eye. Dove, trying to knock Batman off a roof for messing with her friend, is an image that almost makes him laugh.

It's broken by the sound of someone knocking on the door, presumably one of other Titans. If he's lucky, it's Mal and Karen, able to get some time away from work to come, even if they aren't the biggest fans of these reunions.

(Karen, Gar thinks, didn't realize he was within hearing distance when she said it would never be the same without Charley and Don, that _they_ would never be the same.

He doesn't like to admit how right she was).

"We can ask her about it when she gets here", Gar promises, going to answer the door.

He opens it and a disgruntled Tara Markov stares back at him. There's a moment where he feels like he can't breathe, the moment that always comes when he looks at her; where he forgets that this isn't _her,_ where he's looking into the eyes of the girl that stole his heart and never gave it back, never had a _chance_ to give it back.

The second Terra looks back at him, clearly not happy to be here. "Well? You gonna let me in or what?"

It's enough to snap him out of his stupor and Gar steps aside, letting her into the apartment.

"You fixed the wall", she says. "Looks nice."

"Thanks."

She blows a bubble of gum. "Where's everybody else?"

"Uh, Hank, Dawn and Matt are in the kitchen", he tells her. "Still waiting on everybody else."

"Aw, your favourite blonde late?" She teases, a little bit of venom hiding in her words.

"Bette's on her way", he says, leading her into the kitchen and towards the other Titans. "Probably just caught up in traffic."

"Whatever you say, Gar", Tara mutters, her face brightening up at the sight of Hank and Dawn. Probably because when they look at her, they don't see a ghost, a nightmare, the greatest daydream he's ever had.

Dawn pulls her into a lopsided hug, and conversation moves away from Bette and whatever worries they might have about her, towards what's going on in New York.

It all swirls around him. The sick feeling from the morning is still there, hiding beneath his skin, and he can't get Bette out of his head. 

He's a lot more worried about her than he wants to let on. Usually, when they have their weekly face time, she's upbeat, full of the kind of stories that only Gotham can create, but the week before, she'd seemed distant, a little lonely.

He doesn't want her to be lonely, not again. She'd seemed so happy in LA, with the team, with Gar and Matt. Her smile seemed more and more genuine, no longer reserved for the quiet moments when she thinks nobody's watching.

Bette's one of his best friends. It might have taken a while for their worlds to collide, even longer for them to actually know each other, but she's now a part of his life, as much as the other Titans, as much as Matt. She's _family_ and he doesn't like the idea of her hurting when she's on the other side of the country, too far away for him to get to her quickly.

His mind is focused on her, on why she seemed so distant the last time they talked, even as the other Titans start to file in, crowding up their apartment. It's not quite to the extent that it was when Matt decided to run a recruitment drive, but it's still enough to make the small space seem crowded.

He engages in the small talk around him, cracking jokes with Hero, struggling through Japanese to the amusement of Bushido, but his gaze keeps flicking to the door. Every second, he's expected Bette to bulldoze her way inside, drawing all their attention to her like moths to a flame.

It stays closed and he tries his best not to frown.

"Where the hell _is_ she?" Tara huffs, arms crossed from her perch on the countertop. She looks bored, utterly uninterested in what's going on around her, but Gar can see casting him occasional glances, like she's terrified of how he's going to react to her presence. "It's not like Blondie to be late."

Gar makes a vague noise of agreement, eyes locked on the door. She's late and she's never late and it makes the small feeling of worry he's had all day swell, bubbling just beneath his skin and telling him that something is wrong.

Which is probably just bat-paranoia that Dick's rubbed off onto him. Terra II is right next to him, and if anything's gonna make him anxious, it would be her. This is _Bette,_ after all; she can handle herself.

"Maybe her flight was delayed", Matt suggests. "Man, I can't believe she chose _Gotham_ over LA."

"Isn't her family there?"

Dawn frowns, looking up from her phone behind a curtain of white hair. "We're her family too."

"Birdie probably just got a late flight", Hank says, though Gar can see him glancing anxiously at the door.

She bites her lip, locking eyes with Gar. "I don't know, Hank. Something feels off. I'm starting to think _Lilith_ is gonna get here first."

"Hell would have to freeze over first."

"I've texted her", Dawn says, "but she hasn't even read them."

That sick feeling is getting harder and harder to ignore. "I'm gonna try calling her", Gar says. "See if I can get through."

He gets a nod in return, with Dawn's attention on her phone, waiting for something to come through with a strange sort of desperation.

He leaves, slipping into his room, and dialling her number, waiting for her to pick up. It rings and it rings, each one spiking his anxiety, until finally ━━

"Hi! This is Bette Kane, I can't get to the phone right now. Please leave a message!"

Gar curses under his breath and tries again. And again after that, over and over, always being sent to her voicemail, until he has to begrudgingly admit that she's either not answering her phone or not _able_ to answer her phone.

Maybe she's on a plane. She's probably on a plane. She must've just got caught up in a case, lost track of time, and missed her initial flight. It's not like it'd be the first time that had happened.

It would be the first time she didn't give any of them a heads up, though.

This is stupid. He's being _stupid._ If anyone can handle themselves, it's Bette. She's been a hero for longer than some members of the Justice League, she's got to be fine. She's been trained by Batman, fought alongside the Titans for more than half her life ━━ she's _fine._

He has to repeat that in his head like a mantra when he returns to the others, telling them that he couldn't get through to her. It circles around his head like a desperate prayer, when the conversation comes to a halt, when people start to leave, when Hank and Dawn remain resolutely there.

Matt closes the door after Mal and Karen, flopping down on the couch, looking far more relaxed than the rest of them. Then again, he has no idea what kind of psychopaths they face on a daily basis, how dangerous they can be.

And some do know who Bette is, behind her mask. _Duela_ knows, and Duela has made it abundantly clear how willing she is to kill.

Duela's not this quiet, which is about the only comfort Gar can come up with. If she had done anything, they would know immediately. _Everyone_ would. She'd brag, if she'd hurt Bette.

"Maybe you should call Lilith", Tara suggests awkwardly. "If you can't find her, I mean."

"It's a good idea", Dawn muses. "Lilith could probably find her in seconds."

"Let's give her another hour", Hank says.

"And if she isn't here?"

"Then I'll call fucking Superman if I have to."

Gar takes a seat next to Tara, trying to pretend that he's perfectly calm, that he's not freaking out internally. He would get the entire Justice League involved if Bette is in any real danger, if he thinks for even a second that this is something they can't handle. There's just something off about the situation, something he can feel in his very bones, and he knows from how tense Dawn is, he's not the only one.

"It's gonna be okay", Tara whispers to him. And this time, there's nothing hiding beneath her words, no venom, no malice. "Much as I hate to admit it, Flamebird can kick ass."

"Yeah", he breathes. "Yeah, she can."

"So try cracking a smile and relaxing", she says. "You've got a telepath on speed dial, green bean. Things are gonna be fine."

He feels a little bit of the tension bleed out of his shoulders as he smiles at her. "You think so?"

"Yeah, I do", Tara replies, "and if you really fucking need me to, I'll check the whole world."

"You can do that?"

She shrugs. "No idea."

He laughs and for a moment, he's taken back to the old days. He's in Titans Tower and Tara is next to him, smiling and breathing and lying through her teeth.

 _This_ Tara must see his face fall, because she pulls away, sitting up. "I should probably go. Call me if you need any help?"

"Of course", Dawn says, swooping in to save Gar from the awkwardness that's sprung up. "We'll let you know if we get into trouble."

Tara rocks on the heels of her feet, puckering her lips. "Gotcha. I'll just, uh, get outta your hair then."

Dawn, being the wonderful godsend that she is, leads her to the door, chatting away happily the entire time while Gar sinks further into the couch, wishing that he could disappear down a dark, dark hole.

She comes back into the room alone, resting on the side of the sofa. "That could have gone better."

He grumbles intelligibly in response. He doesn't ━━ Dawn always wants him to talk about Tara, about the _original_ and all that came with her, but he doesn't know how. The words get tangled in his throat, something dark and bitter, something warm and bright, always getting in the way and what comes out is barely coherent. He's learned that it's better not to say anything at all.

"C'mon", Dawn says, "We should probably call Lilith."

"We said we'd give her another hour."

Dawn casts a worried look outside the window. "I can't explain it, Gar, but I don't think we should wait."

Gar looks at her ━━ _really_ looks at her, those heavy bags, the way she fiddles with the sleeve of her sweater ━━ and picks up his phone, punching in the number of one of his oldest friends.

"Garfield", she says upon answering, "I am outside your apartment now."

"Wait, seriously?"

He can practically _hear_ her rolling her eyes. "I did _say_ I would come, didn't I?"

"I kinda thought you changed your mind."

"Then why did you bother calling me?" She asks.

"Bette didn't show", he explains, going to get the door for her. "And she's not answering her phone and I know I'm probably just being paranoid, but Dawn thinks something's up too, and her intuition's always been good, and you could probably find her in seconds and I ━━"

His door swings open, revealing a disgruntled Lilith. She puts her phone away, glaring at him. "So Wimbledon missed a meet-up. We all do it sometimes."

"This is _Bette",_ he stresses. "She never misses anything and even if she did, you seriously think she wouldn't let us know?"

"Then call Dick", she says, pushing past him. "He's in Gotham; if anything happened, he'd know."

"That's... that's a good idea", he admits.

Lilith comes to a stop, her hand falling on his shoulder comfortingly. "I know you're worried, but Wim━━ _Flamebird_ can handle herself. Even if she got in danger, she's working with Batwoman."

"I get that, I just..."

"Can't shake the feeling that something's wrong?" Dawn suggests, leaning against the doorframe. "I've had it since Hank and I landed in LA. I thought, maybe, it was the Lords having trouble again, but..."

"You're both seriously _that_ worried?" Lilith says. "Then I'm calling Nightwing."

Before Gar can say anything, she's called up their fellow hero, putting it on speaker with a confidence that only Omen could ever possess.

It kind of reminds him of Bette ━━ not that he'd ever say that to either of them. He's not quite sure what the history is there, but they always seemed cold to each other, even back in the days of Titans West. He's wanted to ask Bette what's up for years, but it never felt right. She could be _weird,_ when you asked her about anyone in the original Titans West. It's been over a decade, and he still can't get her to open up about Golden Eagle.

"Lilith, now's seriously not a good time", Nightwing's cracked voice says. He sounds exhausted, like he did back when he was obsessed with stopping Brother Blood, when he'd work himself to the bone and no one, not even Donna, could get him to stop. "Something... something's come up."

"A case?" She guesses, smiling a little smugly. "I told Gar there's nothing to worry about. Flamebird's with you, right?"

There's silence on the other end, the devastating kind. "Lil... Flamebird _is_ the case."

Gar practically snatches the phone. "What does that mean? Did she get hurt? Is she okay? Do you need any back-up?"

"Don't need back-up", he says, a little numbly. "But she's... Batman picked something up on the scanner, about a vigilante and it... _fuck,_ Gar, it's like a slaughterhouse here..."

"Bette", he says urgently, "where is Bette?"

"We got", Dick replies tightly, "we got scraps. Of her costume."

"But no body?"

"Gar..."

"If there's no body, then there's a chance she's still alive. We should be━━"

"Gar!" Dick snaps. "Just stop. There's too much blood here for her to have survived. We've checked every hospital in Gotham, and she hasn't been admitted to _any_ of them. She's... she's not here, Gar. And I don't she's coming back."

"You're wrong", Gar says stubbornly. "Bette's... some villain's probably kidnapped her, to mess with Batwoman, yeah? She's just... she just needs us to find her."

"Gar, there's no way she survived this", he whispers. There's devastation there, hiding in his voice. He didn't think he'd care enough, but what had Bette told him? That they used to work together, when they were kids, long before the Titans even existed?

She told him loads of stories like that. She had ones about Batman, about the original Bat-Woman. She'd tell him the crazy plans concocted by the Riddler, mumble about the insanity of the Mad Hatter. She promised one day, she would tell him the story of her first encounter with aliens. She _promised_ and Bette Kane doesn't break her promises.

"She's not dead", he says, ignoring how his voice shakes. "She... I would _know,_ Dick. I would feel it."

"She was only human", he responds, "and the blood ━━ not even Batman could survive losing that much blood."

"She's _not_ Batman", Dawn hisses. "She's _Bette._ And she's not ━━ she wouldn't leave us like that."

"She didn't have a choice."

Dawn grabs the phone out of his hand before he can react, launching it across the room. She's shaking, rage behind her throw that leaves Lilith's phone cracked and broken on the ground, no noise coming from it.

"She's not dead", Dawn chokes out. _"She's not."_

Lilith tries to move towards her, to offer some comfort, but Dawn shrugs her off, pushing her away with a strength no normal human has.

"She's not", she repeats. "She can't be."

"You heard what Dick said", Lilith says softly. "He wouldn't have said that if he didn't think it was true. If he wasn't certain."

"Well, he's wrong!" She snarls. "I don't give a damn what the Bats think ━━ if Bette was gone, I would know, okay? I'd _know."_

Gar hears Lilith argue back, probably with logic and that innate trust they all have for Dick Grayson, but he isn't listening. He can't, not when Bette's out there (because she _is_ out there), waiting on them to find her, and they're, what? Arguing in LA? They need to go, to follow the clues, _to find her._

Because she's not de━━ she's not gone. She wouldn't be that, not to them, not so soon. He doesn't care what Nightwing says, about her chances, about the amount of blood, because death has always played fast and loose with them. If the second Robin can rise from a Lazarus Pit, if a Green Lantern can throw himself into the sun and return, then he has to believe that Bette isn't gone forever, that she'll find her way back to them.

(Because if he doesn't believe that... he thinks he might go insane).

* * *

Barbara Gordon is a badass.

Dawn knows this. She's seen it in action, the way she leads the Birds of Prey with a ruthless efficiency, the way she takes down their opponents from behind a computer screen. As Batgirl, she was a threat; as Oracle, she's an inevitability.

She also doesn't do bullshit. She's too busy for that, has too much going on in her life to ever bother with it unless it presents her an obvious advantage. She's brutal, straight to the point, never the kind to mince her words, and that's exactly what Dawn needs right now.

She loves Dick, trusts him with all of her heart... but she needs to believe that his emotions are clouding his judgement. She needs it, needs some semblance of hope that Bette is somewhere out there, just _waiting_ for them to find her. Dick can't give her that. He's looked at the scene and the detective in him has come to a conclusion and the bleeding heart has latched onto it as the only possible truth.

Barbara will offer her possibilities. She'll look at the situation from a million different viewpoints and she'll see something that the others have missed.

She has to because Dawn doesn't know what she'll do if she doesn't.

Dinah gives her a small, sympathetic smile as Dawn makes her way further into the clocktower, towards answers. She passes Huntress on her way, but there are no empty platitudes to be found there, just the steel of a knife, the glint from one of her arrowheads.

Barbara barely glances up from her computer screen when Dawn enters the room. Files on some of the top assassins on the planet flit by too fast for her to read, but she could swear that she sees Deathstroke's profile appear for at least a second.

"You wanted to talk", Barbara says flatly. "I assume you heard about Flamebird."

"Dick told me his theory", Dawn replies, crossing her arms. "I want to hear yours."

"It's a work in progress", Barbara tells her. "With the amount of blood and no hospital admission, I'd usually rule out any chance of her being alive ━━"

"She's alive", Dawn says stubbornly. "I know she is."

That's apparently enough to tear her gaze away from the screen. "Dawn... I know better than anyone how stubborn Bette can be."

"You said _usually",_ Dawn continues. "You said you'd _'usually'_ rule it out."

"She's a better bargaining chip if she's alive."

"Better bargaining chip for who?"

"The DEO", she says. "Batwoman's run into them and they haven't exactly gotten along."

Dawn nods slowly. "The Titans dealt with the DEO before, right? I could've sworn..."

"They did", she confirms, "but it's... _complicated."_

"No, it's not!" She snaps. "All we've gotta do is figure out where they're holding her and get her back ━━ there's nothing complicated about it."

"They wouldn't be holding her at any of their recorded sights", Barbara shoots back. "They're holding a _superhero_ hostage and that's not even _thinking_ about what happens when they unmask her. _Bette Kane_ isn't the low-level civilian they'd be expecting. They can't make her disappear easily."

Dawn's gaze flickers back to the screen, to Deathstroke's file. "Do you think he's involved?"

"There was a fight", Babs says. "A bad one. Bette's got history with Wilson and _he's_ got a history of taking government contracts. Waller recently paid him for something and that's who the Director of the DEO is reporting to, but it could be completely unrelated."

"But he could know where she is."

"Maybe", Barbara says slowly, eyeing Dawn with caution. "Or maybe he knows nothing and we play our hand too soon."

"Every second we spend waiting", Dawn spits, "is another second Bette is in danger. I'm not gonna wait around when we finally _have_ something."

"Dawn ━━"

"No! If he knows something, I will get him to talk."

Barbara glares at her and on any other day, it would freeze in place. As it is, the rage running through her veins heavily outweighs the iciness of the stare.

"The Birds won't be backing you up", she says firmly. "This is stupid, Dawn, and you know it."

"I don't need the Birds", she hisses back. "Even if I have to do it by myself, I am finding Bette."

"Dawn, please..."

"I'd appreciate it if you sent Deathstroke's file", Dawn says coolly as she moves towards the door, coming to a pause. "I'd also appreciate it if you stayed out of my way."

"You know I can't promise that."

"And you know I can't let you stop me."

Something like annoyance (something like pride) shines behind Barbara's glasses. "Try not to die", she advises, wincing slightly at her own words.

"I'll do my best", Dawn replies, the door swinging shut after her.

She doesn't see Dinah or Helena as she makes her way downstairs. There are sounds of a punching bag being pulverized in the gym, but it's impossible to know which one is behind it all, and honestly, Dawn isn't in a rush to find out.

There are more important things for her to do.

She doesn't stick around the Clocktower. Dawn stumbles into the cold Gotham air, that smell of decay hanging in the air, and she climbs into Hank's car, thankful for the rush of heat.

Lilith stares at her pointedly from the backseat. "Well?"

"Deathstroke", Dawn says, the word coming out in one quick breath. "Our lead is Deathstroke."

Gar clenches his fist for a moment, a whirlwind of rage hidden behind his eyes. It's gone as quick as it appeared, replaced by a look of pure determination. "Any idea where he's hiding out or am I gonna have to go all bloodhound in Gotham? 'Cause, honestly, I'd rather do anything but that."

"I asked Oracle to forward me the file, but I don't know if she will", Dawn replies, biting down on her lip. "She doesn't want us doing this. Doesn't want to risk being wrong, I guess."

"I'd rather take that risk than leave Bette hanging", Hank says. "She's our friend; she'd do the same for us."

"Yeah", Dawn breathes out, "yeah, she would."

* * *

In a move that genuinely surprises her, Oracle sends Dawn all the information she has. She gets the number of the apartment that Slade Wilson is using as a safe house, gets the security details, gets patched into the CCTV outside and she watches with a vague contempt as he makes his way inside.

He's not in Gotham anymore. He left less than an hour before Batman came across the crime scene, moved on to Hub City and covered his trails expertly. Still no match for Oracle's prowess, but if it had been Dawn herself looking into this, she wouldn't have found anything. He moves like a ghost, only leaving death behind her, never a trail to be followed, and somehow, that only adds to the hatred bubbling in her chest.

There isn't a speck of blood on him, but Dawn knows better than to trust that. You don't get to the top of the League's watchlist by being _messy._

He's an expert at covering his tracks, hiding what he's done, but Dawn doesn't care. She knows he must be here for an assassination; she still can't bring herself to give a damn about the innocent life at risk here.

All that matters right now is Bette, finding Bette, saving Bette. She mentioned the DEO to Gar and his nose twisted up, a muttered comment about kids whispered under his breath. He doesn't know anything solid, nothing that could help them, nothing that could lead to any option beyond Slade _fucking_ Wilson.

It doesn't take a genius to see how agitated that man makes Garfield and on a better day, Dawn would ask him about it, try to get him to open up even when she _knew_ it was about Tara. There's never any doubt in her mind that that's where so much of this burden he's now carrying on his shoulder stems from, no doubt that this is why he always tenses up around her doppelganger.

She doesn't have the time needed to address that right now.

"I say we go in hard and fast", Hank says. "Catch him off guard."

"Provided he doesn't already know we're watching", Lilith shoots back. "This guy is _serious,_ Hank. Don't underestimate him."

"Don't underestimate us either", he shoots back. "You're one of the most powerful psychics on the planet, Gar can turn into any animal he can think of, and Dawn and I are blessed by cosmic entities. And Deathstroke? He's just a guy with a sword."

Gar glares at him. "You haven't fought this guy in a while, have you?"

"I was a little busy with the whole coming back from the dead thing", he admits. "Paper work's been a pain in the ass."

They continue to argue amongst themselves, but Dawn's got her gaze fixed upon the door. Answers are in there, just waiting for her. She could finally get a lead to Bette, find something that could bring her home. All she's got to do is make one man talk, just one, and then they're in the clear. Then she can finally, _finally_ see Bette again, can tell her everything that's been on her mind for the past few months.

The door slams shut behind her as she marches up to the door, plans be damned. He probably knows that they're here anyways, has probably been laughing at them scheme. She's not gonna bother waiting anymore, not going to risk losing any more seconds, not when Bette's life is hanging in the balance for each and every one of them.

She can hear Hank calling after her, but she doesn't care. It's not important, that she's not wearing her suit, that she could be walking straight into a trap, that she's striding into the lion's den. 

She's in the apartment block before any thoughts can register, kicking down Slade Wilson's door before logic can ever come into play.

There's a lot she's expecting when the door breaks down. A knife to her throat, a gun pressed against her head, or maybe none of that. Maybe he won't wait to access things, maybe he'll just kill her and move on with his life. It's not like any of the other lives he's snuffed out have meant anything, so why would hers?

She doesn't expect him to be sitting in a kitchen chair, looking utterly unimpressed. There's a tumbler in his hand, amber liquid swirling in the glass.

"Was wondering when you'd make a move", he says, taking a sip from his whiskey. "Took you long enough."

"Where is she?" Dawn demands, slamming her hands on the table.

He raises an eyebrow. "The politician? I think if you turn on the TV, you'd find out."

"Flamebird", she hisses. "Tell me where she is now or I swear to God, Slade, I will put you through _unimaginable_ agony."

He doesn't even bother reacting. "Why the hell would I know where Flamebird is?"

"You know why."

"Not sure I do."

Her fingers dig into the table, leaving long scratches behind them. "If you don't start telling me what I want to know ━━"

"I have no idea what happened to Flamebird", he drawls, almost like he's bored. "I tend to stay _away_ from Addie's side of the family. Self-preservation and all."

And Dawn ━━ Dawn _looks_ at him. At the smugness, the way he's already decided he's won, and it hits her that he really doesn't know anything. All this is, is a way to pass the fucking time for him. He's not even going to bother fighting her.

The rage she feels threatens to burn her down. Her ears ring and she sees red and the table _cracks_ underneath her grip, and still, he seems completely nonchalant.

"You were in Gotham when she was attacked", Dawn grits out. "You have history with her. You ━━"

"Were too busy _doing my job_ to give a damn?" He finishes with a scoff. She wasn't sure it _possible_ to hate this man any more than she already did, but he seems determined to prove that it is.

"You have to know _something."_

He shrugs. "Gotham's a big town. I might have heard _something,_ but it would cost you."

An arm wraps itself around her waist, and Hank is the only thing holding her back from breaking Deathstroke's face ━━ literally.

"Just tell us what you heard", Hank says. "Don't make this any harder than it has to be."

"Where's the fun in that?"

"Presumably, in not having a pissed-off agent of peace clawing your remaining eye out."

He eyes her carefully, before shrugging. "I've made worse people angrier."

"Wanna bet?" She snarls, pushing against Hank's grip.

There's a moment where she's sure only more mockery is going to come, where she's convinced that they'll never get anything, that Bette will be lost to them forever. It's one single second that sends fear shivering down her spine, but like most things, it _ends._

"Cobblepot caught a weird light show", Slade offers them. "Very _pink."_

"What the hell does that━━?"

"It's just what I heard", he says. "Now, if you could kindly _fuck off,_ I'd appreciate it."

"We're not done here", Dawn says. "What the hell do lights have to do with Flamebird?"

He meets her gaze, unflinching. _"Bette_ was supposed to be in that area."

She swears that there's a second where Hank's grip loosens, where he's going to let her maul this man to death, but it's over before she can take advantage of it and she's cursing herself for not moving faster. He could be dead and she could finally know some sort of peace.

"If I find out you're lying", Hank says, his voice refusing to shake, "I'll kill you."

"Looking forward to it, chicken wings", Wilson replies with a smirk.

And Dawn thinks, probably for the first time in her life, that the Titans haven't done _enough._ They've let that thing keep living, keep breathing out poisoned air and suffocating the rest of them. He's a blight of humanity, a waste of space, and they've let him carry on like he's done nothing, like there isn't a child six feet under from his manipulations, his torture.

She thinks, if they don't find Bette, she might _amend_ that issue herself.

* * *

Hank's all that keeps her together sometimes. He's something solid to lean against, an unshakable force that she will always believe in. Magic and misunderstandings, not even the walls between life and death, can alter that. He's a part of her very entity, written into the fabric of her soul.

And right now, his presence does nothing to quell that maelstrom of anger that swirls around her chest. It's like a fire inside her, keeping her awake, keeping her furious, her blood boiling inside her veins as each hour passing. Time is ticking down and they only have so much left.

Dawn knows the statistics for missing persons. She's learned them in her time as a vigilante, had to do it the hard way, and she knows how dangerous it becomes after forty-eight hours, how low the chances of survival become. But those odds, they're not made for Bette Kane. They're for normal civilians, not heroes trained under a million and one mentors.

They don't apply to Bette; Dawn won't _let_ them.

"Lights?" Gar repeats dully. "That's all we have?"

"It's better than nothing", Lilith says, already texting what sparse information Dawn gathered to Nightwing. "Lights could be a lot of things."

 _"Pink_ lights."

"Right", she agrees. "It could be magic. Nightwing mentioned that Batwoman was dealing with something called Medusa... maybe they've dabbled a little in the dark arts."

"So, a teleportation spell", Dawn says. "It could fit. Magic would be able to keep her alive, too."

"Exactly", she says. "and magic always leaves a signature. I could ask Zatanna to have a look."

Dawn gives a small hum in response. "I'll call Boston, see if he can help."

There's a flicker of confusion on Gar's face, before he nods, holding back a laugh. "Your ghost boyfriend. Right."

"Her ghost _ex-_ boyfriend", Hank corrects. "There's a difference."

Gar looks to her, ignoring Hank's comment. "Are you sure he'll help?"

"Positive", Dawn says. "And even if he doesn't, Boston... Boston would know if she was dead. He'd be able to find out."

"She's not dead", he says instantly. "We know she's not."

Unlike Hank, unlike Dawn, Lilith doesn't let it slide. "We _don't_ know that, Gar. Even with the weird lights and the possibility of magic, Nightwing is right; that was a lot of blood. I know you'd like to think she's fine, but the reality is, she could be━━"

"She's not", Gar says firmly. "Trust me."

Lilith sighs, but she doesn't push the subject. It's just left hanging between them all, that terrifying possibility that Bette could be dead, and Dawn finds herself shooting Boston a text faster than she'd intended. It's a simple request for help, the bare minimum, and she knows he'll reply.

She only hopes that Zatanna will too. Magic has been a part of her life for so long, but she and Hank don't deal with spells and witchcraft. Their powers come from Law and Order, form ancient and forbidden love. There are no words that work for it, no way to replicate what's been done to them with a series of incantations.

The duo of Hawk and Dove has always been unique, hanging with one foot in the world of sorcery and one foot out. Dawn's dealt with an equal amount of time travel in her life, is more accustomed to assassination attempts than exorcisms.

But she knows people that live and breathe in that world. John Constantine has shown up at her doorstep, Alec Holland has asked for her help, and Zatanna Zatara ━━

Zatanna Zatara is _magical._ It's more than what runs through her blood, what her lineage has gifted her. There's something otherworldly about her, something beautiful and wonderful terrifying and deadly. It's there in her smile her laugh, the way she holds the weight of the world on her shoulders like it's nothing.

If magic _is_ the source of this, if it somehow played a role in Bette's disappearance, then Zatanna would be the one to find it.

They can do this. It's not much to go on, and a part of Dawn will always want to go back in there and try to get more information out of Deathstroke, but it's more than they had yesterday. It might end up amounting to nothing, but she knows that she would never forgive herself if she didn't at least look into this, didn't dig up every last clue and follow it down to the bitter end.

She doesn't care what answer s she finds at the end of the tunnel. She just wants to know where her friend is, what happened to her, if there's s still a chance that she can be saved. If Dawn hasn't screwed things up between them forever, if there's still something salvageable in the wreck of what was once between them.

Hank's hand intertwines with her, bringing the sort of peace that has only ever come with him. Even when Holly was Hawk, she never had this effect, never made her feel like she was the one in control. That's something that Hank can do that, that _only_ Hank can do.

"We'll find her", he whispers to her, barely audible over the sound of Garfield and Lilith bickering in the backseat. "You know we will."

She makes an attempt to smile at him. "Together."

 _"Together",_ he agrees, making it feel more like a promise, making her heart warm. He's focused on the road, but she can see him smiling at her, corners of his mouth upturned slightly. He believes in her, believes in them, and that's enough. She'll make it enough, use it to remind herself of the truth. They're a team, no matter what happens, a family that doesn't give up on each other. She doesn't care where Bette's been taken to; they will find her or they will die trying.

 _They can do this,_ she thinks again. Help's already on the way and she's willing to rope in the entire Justice League if she has to. Green Lanterns, Flashes, even Wonder Woman herself ━━ for Bette, there's no one she wouldn't call, no one she wouldn't ask for help.

(Which is true, to an extent that Dawn doesn't even want to admit to herself. She doesn't want to see the way Gar's face will pale, Hank's hands crushing the steering wheel beneath his fingers. she doesn't want to look into Lilith's eyes and see the mixture of rage and betrayal and sadness that only one person can bring forth.

She doesn't want to remind Titans West of their very own traitor).

* * *

Gotham is hell.

Gar always ends up thinking this, every time he visits. _Gotham is hell._ He doesn't understand how people like Dick, like Bette, come from this; air so polluted you choke on it, red skies overcast, the distrust that everyone carries on their shoulders practically _palpable._

Dick's different when he's here or maybe Gar's just used to a Dick Grayson that isn't in mourning, a Dick Grayson that has Donna and Roy by his side, a Dick Grayson that isn't suffocating in the shadow of Batman. Whatever it is, the change is noticeable, a little alarming, to be honest. 

"Sometimes, I really hate magic", he grumbles. "I really, really do."

"Preaching to the choir", Hank replies, "but if it'll get her back..."

Dick doesn't look hopeful. _"If."_

Dawn glares, not even bothering to smooth it out. "We'll get her back", she says confidently. And if Gar didn't know her, he might actually believe that.

He doesn't though. It could be the city's darkness seeping into him, making him exactly as hopeless as everybody else, but... he trusts Dick with his life, with _Bette's_ life, and he would never have even put forward the idea of her being dead if he didn't believe it. Following up on a weird light show (a lead given to them by _Deathstroke,_ of all people) doesn't feel like much, more like grasping at straws than a breakthrough that could bring Bette back to them.

He'd do anything to have her back.

Matt wanted to ask her to move back in, once she finished her degree at Gotham University. Ask her if she wanted to give the whole roommates thing another go, ask her if she wanted to escape Gotham. For all his cousin's cluelessness (and there is a _lot_ of that), even he could see that Gotham wasn't good for her.

It's hell. Gotham is hell and somebody like Bette, who bleeds sunshine and determination, shouldn't be here. He should never have let her leave, shouldn't have let their communication start to slip off. He should've visited more. He should've been there, should've helped her, should've saved her.

It's too late for all that now. She's gone and he can't say that she's coming back, can't hold onto that stubborn belief like Dawn. 

She's _dead._ Bette Kane is _dead._

He repeats it over and over in his mind, like that will somehow dull the pain, like that will somehow lessen the guilt.

He should be used to this. He should. He's lost the Doom Patrol, Tara, Donna ━━ why should Bette be any different?

(Because she promised. Because she swore she'd always be there).

Everyone leaves in the end. That's the job; putting other people's lives above your own, risking it all to lessen the evil of the world. Bette clearly fought somebody, tried to do what was right, and she didn't make it out the other side. It's happened a thousand and one times, over and over and over, but ━━

But they come back. Everyone always comes back. So why hasn't she? Why, _why,_ does he get this sinking feeling in his chest, like this is the end? 

Rita, Donna, they came back. Death wasn't the end for them and Tara... he can pretend, sometimes, that the blonde girl who claims to be a clone is exactly that, everything she says, but he knows better. He knows _Tara._ Maybe she isn't aware of it, but he would recognize her anywhere, know her anywhere, and that girl, however she came to be, whoever created her, _is_ Tara Markov.

Death hasn't been final in a while. So Bette's gone now, so she's not around; that doesn't mean it's forever. She could come back, just like everyone else does.

She will. That glassy look in Dick's eyes, the rage that Dawn holds, that sinking feeling in his chest ━━ they're temporary. They don't matter, they don't mean anything.

One way or another, Bette's gonna come back.

"I need to go meet Batwoman at the crime scene", Dick says, not even bothering to disguise his exhaustion.

Dawn pushes him back down with one hand, a steely look in her eyes. "I'll go. Zee and I are old friends anyways."

"But ━━"

"You need to rest", she says, her words softening. "Please, Dick. I need you at your best if we're gonna find her."

She shares a look with Hank, that silent communication of theirs going into overdrive, and he lets her step away, going to stand guard in front of Dick.

"You're not leaving until you sleep for at least three hours", he says. "And if you try to leave, I'll have Beast Boy turn into a dragon."

Gar nods without hesitating. "I'll do it."

He looks like he's ready to protest as Dawn leaves, but Lilith rests her head against his shoulder. He leans into it, not giving any thought to the action, and she links her fingers with his.

"Sleep", Lilith says. "Things will be better in the morning."

And for a second, Garfield almost believes her.

* * *

In another world, Dawn thinks that she and Batwoman would've been friends. Maybe Bette would've introduced them; out of costumes, because she wouldn't want masks getting in the way, probably in some quiet, out of the way cafe. She'd laugh and tell jokes and any tension would bleed away, because that's what Bette's good at. Dawn would leave and think that Kate wasn't that bad, that she wouldn't mind working with her.

But not in this world.

In this world, there's a missing body, a woman with a bad history when it comes to magic, a belief that her own cousin is dead.

"I know how these things go", Kate tells her. "It's been too long. Even if she'd survived..."

Zatanna frowns at the ground beneath her, ignoring both Dove and Batwoman. Dawn doesn't particularly like the look on her face, but it does seem like something is here. Maybe a magical trace, some kind of energy signature. If it was nothing, if there wasn't a single thing there for her to sense, then she would be gone y now.

 _So._ That's a positive, that this lead didn't lead them into a dead end. It could mean that Bette's alive, that she's out there, that Dawn ━━ that _they_ ━━ can still save her.

She's not leaving her, not again. She's never giving up on Bette Kane ever again and she doesn't care what it takes, who gets in her way; she'll find a way to get her back.

"There's something here", Zatanna finally says. "Old, _ancient,_ magic."

"And Flamebird?"

She gives Dawn a sympathetic smile that makes her want to break her perfect face. "I couldn't find anything specific for her."

"Can you give us any specifics?" Batwoman asks. "Maybe a name?"

"I'm not a miracle worker", Zee replies. "But I'll stay to help."

"We don't need ━━"

"It's a favour to Bruce", Zatanna says quietly. "Repaying old debts."

Batwoman scowls, but nods.

"I can track this", Zatanna continues. "We can call Batman and ━━"

"No", Dawn says firmly. "We're doing this now."

"We don't know what we're going into."

"Flamebird has been alone long enough", she rebuttals. "I'm not leaving her there for another second."

And, yeah, maybe it's reckless, but _Bette_ was reckless, so why can't Dawn be like that? Why can't she rush headfirst into situations, why can't she be just as careless as her, just as wild? Why can't she find her?

She breathes in. The situation is under control. They have something, a thread to follow that could lead them to Bette. All she has to do is be a little patient.

But she's never been the best at that. Everybody thinks she is, but that's only because they hold her up in contrast to Hank, to _Hawk._ They don't realize that she isn't Don, that she isn't the perfect saint they all want her to be. She's messy and she's angry and she doesn't like to wait, especially not where her friends are concerned.

Batwoman shifts on the spot, unable to sit still, a part of Dawn thinks that she's just as desperate, just as hopeful, as she is. It could be Gotham, the ay the stories here always end in red, that makes her doubt, that makes her think the whole thing is over before it's even begun, and Dawn... Dawn can't begrudge her for that.

It's how things go here. This isn't the Titans, where death is just a revolving door. Things have weight, have permanent changes, and even when someone comes back, they don't always return the same. The second Robin is a testament to that, so far away from the annoying little kid that she remembers.

Bette liked him still. Said he was funny and good,m just a little misguided, just hurting in a way that nobody else would ever truly understand. Bette liked most people, liked making them smile, liked making them laugh, and she was good at it, too.

She would want Dawn to get along with Batwoman, to work with her, but she can't. She looks at her and she sees somebody else that just gave up on Bette. Kate Kane is not Dick Grayson; she doesn't have years of goodwill built up, fond memories of youth, a friendship that's lasted through tragedies and every crisis under the roof.

She's just a stranger that let her friend go out on her own, that let her friend di━━

No, Dawn doesn't think that she's going to be getting along with Batwoman any time soon.

* * *

The benefits of magic are numerous, but Dawn will always be a fan of fast transportation. Within seconds, they've gone from skulking around the back of the Golden Serpent restaurant, to standing before a man that smells putrid, like rotting flesh. He's got a hook for a hand, glistening with red liquid ━━ blood, the fresh kind from the looks of it.

Batwoman's eyes narrow and for a second. Dawn thinks she recognizes the man.

That second ends when she moves, fast as lightning, her arm wrapping around his neck before any of them can boink.

"You gutted a girl behind the Golden Serpent", Batwoman growls and Dawn remembers, with startingly clarity, that she is Batman's cousin, that the same blood pumps through their veins. "Didn't you?"

Time comes to standstill, everything stopping until he gets an answer. Dawn doesn't know what will happen when he does, doesn't know if she'll be able to find any sort of control. She doesn't know if she even _wants_ to.

And then the bastard _laughs._ He laughs, like Batwoman told a joke, like this is something funny, Like Dawn can't feel her heart breaking inside her chest with every hour that Bette remains missing. He laughs and his words become garbling, her ears starting to ring as her vision sears red.

He _laughs_ and he _brags_ about it and Dawn Granger reminds herself that she isn't that different from an agent of chaos.

She doesn't hear his disgusting words. She doesn't pay attention to any of it, to the rest of the world still somehow spinning behind her, until ━━

"She was just a dumb kid in a costume", Batwoman hisses as she delivers a punch to the man's face, breaking his nose in the process. "Just a dumb fucking kid!"

That makes Dawn ━━

It makes her _furious._

 _A dumb kid in a costume..._ like she was a rookie, like Bette hadn't been doing this longer than most of them. Like she hadn't been doing for over half her life, like this world wasn't her life. 

_A dumb kid in her costume..._ a dumb kid in a costume that saved the world, over and over and over again, that held Dawn when she cried, that wiped away her tears and made her smile again.

 _A dumb fucking kid_ who never gave up on anyone, not her, not Hank., not even Duela.

 _A dumb fucking kid_ that Dawn _loves,_ with all her heart.

Bette hasn't been a dumb kid in a costume since she was ten and even then, even back in the halcyon days she talks about with bitterness melodies on her tongue, Dawn doubts that she was. Because this is Gotham, and Gotham crushes its residents, steals away their light until they're black holes. If Bette was weak, if Bette didn't know what she was doing, the city would've done that to her too. _This life_ would've done it to her.

But it didn't. Bette refused to let it and to see that diminished, to see her put down as something she never was... Dawn thinks, in that moment, that Hook isn't the only one she's going to kill.

She doesn't get a chance to attack either of them, not with Zatanna Zatara around and thinking clearly, the only of the trio with her head on straight. 

"Ydobyreve ezeerf!" She commands, rooting them all in place.

Dawn tries to light her ablaze with only a glare, but Zatanna doesn't even dignify it with another glance. The magic holds her in place, keeps her from clawing that _thing's_ throat out, from making Batwoman regret ever saying something like that about Bette, and as much as she tries to fight it, she remains stuck in the same place.

"We need answers", Zatanna says. "We're not going to get those if you two commit _murder."_

She hates the logic in that and it's only the tiny hope that Bette's still alive, an inferno that's now just an ember, that makes Dawn agree.

She'll do whatever it takes to get her home, alive and well. She'll put up with this monster's ━━ the Hook's ━━ skin-crawling comments forever, if it meant that she could see Bette one last time.

Resisting the urge to kill him, to end the man that hurt her friend, takes all her self-control, but she manages it, even after Zatanna releases the spell she had over them.

It's not easy, even after he gets knocked out. She could grab his neck, twist it until the bone snapped under her hands, fingers bruising skin that would soon rot. It would be so, so simple.

Not what Bette would want. Not what Bette needs, she reminds herself.

So she lets Zatanna teleport herself and their suspect away to GCPD, to be interrogated by the Batman himself, and she turns to Batwoman with a scowl.

"If you _ever_ say anything like that about her again", she threatens, "I'm gonna break that pretty face."

Batwoman seems a little perplexed. "Like what?"

Dawn grits her teeth. "She's not a dumb kid. She's my friend and a fucking _superhero."_

"She was doing this until something else came along", Batwoman shoots back. "I know my cousin. I know she could never commit to something like this."

"Then you don't know her at all", she scoffs. "This, being Flamebird? That's all she's ever wanted to do."

She doesn't bother to wait for a response. Bette cares about her cousin, is going to want her there when she comes back, but if Dawn hears her say one more thing against her, she might snap. There's no Hook to take her fury out on, just the two of them, alone. 

Batwoman might not be the source of all her anger, but she's too good of an outlet for Dawn to stick around. When Bette comes back, and it _is_ a matter of _when,_ not _if,_ then she's going to want Kate around her and Dawn doesn't think she's gonna be leaving her side for a while.

It's for the best, if she doesn't break her teeth, is what she keeps on telling herself, the words bouncing around her skull with every step she takes.

* * *

Lilith knows the exact moment it happens. She sees it in the crease of his eyebrows, that choked little sob he refuses to let out; the telltale signs that Dick has received news he expected but never wanted.

Through what she can only assume are cold and calloused words, Lilith is sure that he's just been told that one of his oldest friends is dead.

She has to swallow back the lump in her throat. She didn't... her and Bette never saw eye to eye and she won't pretend that they did, but Bette as always there. She was a constant, unshakable presence, never moving, never really _changing_ either. No matter what happened, she was still that too perky, too bright, girl that warmed the room when she entered.

Now she's gone.

She's not paying enough attention to what's going on around her, to Dick delivering the news. Gar's protesting it, already in denial, talking about Lazarus Pits and magic, the ways to bring someone back that they all know. Dawn is burying her head into Hank's chest and Lilith can't tell if she's crying or raging or if the two have become one and the same.

Her hand rests on Dick's arm, looking for something solid, something real.

He's known Bette longer that he's known her. She died, once upon a time, and so did Donna, and Dick broke. He crumbled like a dying star and he pieced himself back together and she knows that was all kick-started by Donna's death, but she can't help it. She's worried about this, about what it'll trigger, and she realizes that she's trying to distract herself from her own feelings, but goddamnit, she doesn't know what her feelings are supposed to be.

She's sad. That's obvious, that's expected. Even if they didn't always get along, Bette was her friend, somebody she's known for years. Sadness is only natural, a part of grief.

It's the anger that catches her off guard, the fury that she isn't sure belongs solely to her. Another thing she should be addressing, but she can't. 

"We fought aliens once", Dick whispers into her hair. She's not sure if she's supposed to hear it, but she stays quiet, lets him continue. "The Karn. Got transported to their planet... I don't think we would've escaped, if she hadn't been there."

"She saved my life", he continues, his voice starting to crack. "She did a lot, Lil, and I didn't save hers. I didn't... I didn't even know she was back in the game."

"It's not your fault", she murmurs back, like a promise, like a prayer, and she's not sure who it's directed at. "Nobody's fault."

"We don't even have a body."

"Not the first time", she finds herself saying.

"She had a bunch of plans for her funeral", he tells her. "Stupid ones."

Tears she can't fully push back prickle in her eyes. "I bet she did."

Dick keeps talking, whispering stories from when they were younger and things were so much simpler, when the fate of the world didn't fall upon the shoulders of teenagers, when they could breathe so much easier, and Lilith does her best to imagine it. Dick, before the Teen Titans officially formed, and Bette, still young, still alive, still with her aunt.

She didn't know Bette then. She only knew her in the _after_ ━━ _after_ Kathy Kane was murdered, _after_ she left Gotham for the first but certainly not last time. She hadn't really realized that with an after, there had to be a _before,_ a time when her smile didn't grow when she thought no one was looking, a time when she laughed and it was carefree.

Dick knew her in the before and maybe that's why he avoided her so often the older they got. Maybe, he looked at her, and saw too many ghosts swirling in those bright blue eyes. Maybe they were both haunted by all the things they couldn't stop, all the people they couldn't rescue, all the friends they couldn't save.

And maybe Lilith understands that a little too much.

**Author's Note:**

> This is awful, I'm so sorry for how long you had to wait. But it is over 10k so uh quantity over quality, I guess? I cannot write. This is the third in the series, you should all know this by now & I love you all for reading.
> 
> Please let me know what you think comments are all that keep me going.


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